Work is a reflection of my stress and anxiety. Being deep in focus creating work is how I cope with things I don’t want to think about. To some extent, the version of myself that others see is often put together, from my appearance to my lifestyle habits. For a time after I graduated, I felt depressed and overwhelmed from having to pay a student loan, working at an unsatisfying job, changing relationships, and underneath it all, a nagging thought that I was never good enough. Our family home was also going through the process of en-bloc, which also involved every member having to make big changes in their lives too. Our house became a representation of how my family is going to change with time, and I don’t really know how to respond. I distracted myself by busying myself with more work. When I think about my future flat, I considered all the beautiful items I would put inside it because I didn’t want to imagine living alone. But I imagined maybe I will be happy living in a beautiful space.

My neurotic and perfectionist tendencies get the better of me. I spent a lot of time adhering to a routine I built for myself, convinced that eventually these things will pass, so long as I kept myself busy. Of course, it was a crazy way to live. Being aware of this doesn’t mean that is was any easier to accept and to make peace with my worries—learning to be ok is a slow journey.