by David J. Bookbinder. Illustrated by Stephanie C. Bond
Stressed out? Feeling like life's harder than it should be? Then you've come to the right place.
The Battle for Balance is a life and death struggle. Stay balanced, and we enjoy life to the fullest. Lose balance, and life gets hard.
In The Art of Balance: Staying Sane in an Insane World, life coach and psychotherapist David J. Bookbinder shows you how to stay on top of the forces that unbalance us, recover quickly if you get knocked down, and be prepared whenever life throws you a curve ball.
In The Art of Balance: Staying Sane in an Insane World, life coach and psychotherapist David J. Bookbinder shows you how to stay on top of the forces that unbalance us, recover quickly if you get knocked down, and be prepared whenever life throws you a curve ball.
Unlike most articles on the Internet and a lot of self-help books, The Art of Balance: Staying Sane in an Insane World provides much more than a laundry list of the “Top 10 (or 25, or 100) Tools and Techniques.”
It’s not a greatest hits. It’s a system.
It’s a system that will help you recognize the forces that knock us out of balance, outline a strategy for overcoming them, and adopt a methodology for achieving lasting balance. The self-help tools and techniques are in there, sure, but they are integrated into a framework that also teaches you how to create your own tools, develop your own techniques, and refine your own strategies—and thereby become the master of your destiny.
Following are the illustrations in The Art of Balance, created by Stephanie C. Bond, as well as brief excerpts from the book. For more on the book, click here: The Art of Balance: Staying Sane in an Insane World. Or click here to purchase the book on Amazon.com.
In The Art of Balance: Staying Sane in an Insane World, I’ve distilled the best of what I’ve learned from my own experiences as a person and a therapist, and from the best teachers I know. I hope this book—and the cast of characters it contains—will help to guide you on the hills and valleys of your own unique journey.
The Cast of Characters
We are the heroes of this saga, an epic battle not only for balance but literally for life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
The villain in our story is the nefarious UnBalancer.
UnBalancer is a fearsome and sometimes deadly force. It strives singlemindedly to unseat us, and sometimes it wins the battle—but not, as we’ll see, the war.
Our chief ally in combating UnBalancer is Balancer.
Balancer is the internal stabilizer that handles day-to-day stresses. It keeps us sane and balanced most of the time and, for the most part, holds UnBalancer at bay.
Emphasis on “for the most part.” When Balancer falls, things can get wonky fast.
Fortunately, Balancer is not our only ally.
Balancer’s trusty sidekick, ReBalancer, leaps into action when UnBalancer gets the upper hand.
ReBalancer is a good friend to have in a crisis.
Here's how it all works.
If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles.
If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat.
If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle.
- Sun Tzu, The Art of War
If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat.
If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle.
- Sun Tzu, The Art of War
Beware the Under Toad.
UnBalancer is not only Chaos, though Chaos can be its confederate, nor is it only Accident, Misfortune, Entropy, Chance, Obliviousness, Fear, Greed, Distrust, Anger, Hatred, Passion, Illness, or any of the other internal and external forces that sometimes knock us out of alignment.
It’s all of these things, and it’s also more.
UnBalancer revels in our unawareness.
So how do we reckon with it?
Stay tuned!
Anger may in time change to gladness; vexation may be succeeded by contentment.
- Sun Tzu, The Art of War
- Sun Tzu, The Art of War
Balancer is not only Awareness, though Awareness is certainly one of its components. It’s not just Mindfulness, either, though Mindfulness can be a powerful aid in maintaining balance. Nor is it fully defined by Logic, Intuition, Common Sense, Moderation, Resilience, or any of the other functions that help us maintain equilibrium.
It’s all of these, and more.
If the stress is too much or goes on for too long, Balancer can be overpowered.
And then we start to tilt.
When UnBalancer gets the better of us, ReBalancer’s at our side, ready to help get us back on our feet.
UnBalancer won that round. But not the war.
Before starting on any journey, most of us do some kind of planning. Where do we want to go? What route should we take? Who will be coming with us? What do we need to pack? What would we like to do when we get there?
Much as Dorothy discovered she always had a home, the Tin Woodman found his compassion, the Scarecrow displayed his brilliance, and the Cowardly Lion showed his courage, by traversing our own yellow brick roads, we become who we are meant to be.
Security against defeat implies defensive tactics; ability to defeat the enemy means taking the offensive.
- Sun Tzu, The Art of War
- Sun Tzu, The Art of War
For most of us, the best place to start rebalancing is with what we already know.
The unknown enemy and the heroic victory against it has appeared in countless science fiction stories. The plot’s turning point is always someone defying convention (and the General) and conducting an Experiment.
The Experiment is also, often, the key to our own victories against the depredations of UnBalancer.
The psychotherapy treatment room is a laboratory for Experiments.
Life itself becomes an ongoing Experiment. Instead of conforming to the limits of past patterns, we just do, see what happens, and adjust our view of reality accordingly, free from the manacles of Mistaken Beliefs.
He who can modify his tactics in relation to his opponent and thereby succeed in winning, may be called a heaven-born captain.
- Sun Tzu, The Art of War
- Sun Tzu, The Art of War
But first, let’s take a birds-eye view of the whole cycle of Balance Lost, Balance Regained, and Balance Maintained.
Better to get the lay of the land before we head off on our mission.
Better to get the lay of the land before we head off on our mission.
Balancer maintains balance.
We never saw these things coming, and they lay us out flat. Balancer is on the ground and UnBalancer raises its fist in triumph.
But all is not lost! Fortunately, Balancer’s on-call Ally, ReBalancer, responds to the crisis.
Whatever we need to rebalance, whenever possible, ReBalancer tries to get the job done, and when it’s finished, it files away what it’s learned for future use.
By the following morning, balance is restored.
After we recover from an UnBalancer attack, we can’t just stop at regaining balance.
In all fighting, the direct method may be used for joining battle, but indirect methods will be needed in order to secure victory.
- Sun Tzu, The Art of War
- Sun Tzu, The Art of War
If Balancer is weakened through too much stress for too long, or was never very robust to begin with, we become much more vulnerable to UnBalancer.
The key to building resilience and strengthening Balancer is not only to incorporate what ReBalancer does into Balancer’s regular routine, but also to deliberately strengthen Balancer itself.
When you find yourself overreacting to a comment, a tone of voice, or a situation, or you inexplicably feel sad, angry, jealous, or some other difficult emotion, you might have a problem with cat hairs.
Of course, I don’t mean literal cat hairs. I love cats!
Our negative bias was once essential for survival.
Our negatively biased early ancestors survived to produce offspring, while those who failed to react quickly enough to possible threats didn’t make it.
The problem is that our negative bias also makes it harder to fully take in and enjoy the positive aspects of our much safer world.
UnBalancer flourishes when we’re isolated. We are social animals, and separation from others weakens our ability not only to thrive, but sometimes even to survive.
Emotional adaptability is what helps us respond to changing circumstances and events without being unduly shaken by them. It’s a Balancer characteristic and a key component of resilience.
When we are able only to access our superficial thoughts and feelings, our responses to changing circumstances are likely to be limited in their effectiveness. It’s as if we are trying to move an iceberg by pushing on its tip, the part we can see. We may manage to lean it over, but it will soon spring back.
At the risk of stating the obvious, in order for Balancer to keep us balanced, it’s helpful to do activities that explicitly promote … balance! Mindfulness-based activities are at the top of the list.
Danger has a bracing effect.
- Sun Tzu, The Art of War
- Sun Tzu, The Art of War
That’s when the gleam appears in UnBalancer’s eyes.
To stay sane in an insane world, we need more than new tools and techniques. To maintain sanity, we also have to keep doing the things that got us there.
The arc of Hero’s Journey is for the not-quite-hero, through a series of potentially deadly adventures, to rise to the level of hero, returning to his or her world a changed person and bearing an important boon to society.
In the midst of chaos, there is also opportunity.
- Sun Tzu, The Art of War
- Sun Tzu, The Art of War
