24.2.2014. Belgrade, arround Midnight.
Im wallking on well known streets but i meet no one. I'm sure milion people passes by those streets, people good and bad, lovely and ugly, smart and stupid, complicated and simple people. In my head Bajaga's lyrics are echoing (in eng.) "This city is so big there is no reason to be alone in it." But, it seems to me, Febos got another command.
In parks where people are walking with their puppies, no matter the hours, desert. Not even the slightes breeze didn't pased there. I wouldn't stay much longer, cause i won't find honest hugh, nor a strangers word, which would reach me as an echo, not so recognizable. That much would be enough to retourn and reach another day in peace.
I walk further with a will, but i 've been slowed down by impression that rain washed away all the colors, all the glare of the city, all of the life and all of the spirits. There is only cold grayness of concrete, used up city lights, abandoned vehicles, and few nervous traffic lights, restlessly trying to break the melancholy. But in vain, since they are stuck to crossroads with no sign posts, why the deep grayness swallows them, turning them into spark of a star on the sky.
I can’t stop I have to look forward, and seek on. City is filled with lights, so it means there must be someone near. But like some invisible force has hidden all the passengers and habitants. As its manifesting, every word she said – nothing is everlasting, and everyone is expendable, everyone is alone. No matter, I’m not willing to accept those compromises, I feel like in vacuum of reality, which wasn’t made by myself, but obviously is much more stronger than my understanding the world order.
Some are playing Gods, some took slave roles, because they are teaching us that’s how it is supposed to be – not to respect inner Devin beings, nor Devin beings in others. I’m no battery, I walk restless, I seek and I will find. No living being is perfect; luckily we differ enough so it can be interesting. But regarding goals and ambitions, we are the same – plain and optative. No one better, no one worse.
Nobody is drinking coffee. No smoking conversations. I feel on one’s love. Only reprimand look of stoned Fathers of children without faith, without hope. I became childe, one of those. Maybe just in a moment, maybe forever, I still don’t know. I know this story won’t have happy end. Besides concrete, stone and lights, I find no comfort.
Wolves of wilderness are living in packs and that’s why they survive. But on concrete, humans are becoming beasts, self-eating Vampires. I recognized syndromes of worst human disease there is – loneliness.
Infected with that virus of eternal hunger for life, I write to you while I walk further, I’m begging you tell me only about love, no matter if you lie to me. Because love is the only antidote for these chains of concrete.
Still, she is proud nowhere to be found.
The more I miss her locks of hair, the more she is away.
In the end I will be standing alone on crossroads, missing her.
Because every one of us has to have his own M.M.
