Pick a Petal: A Campaign About Abuse in Relationships
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It is those that prey on another's vulnerability that are the most difficult to recognise. Some will exploit these vulnerabilities and draw others in when we are most in need of loving connections, as a strategy of manipulation.
Love bombing is often a starting tactic for an abuser in the cycle of abuse. Love bombing is an attempt to influence/lure in a person by demonstrations of attention and affection.
It may be difficult to distinguish the signs of a Love Bomber, however it is important to stay cautious at excessive acts of love such as over-complimenting, constant attention, obsessive flattery, pressuring a relationship and very early, intense expressions of love.
Abuse is not always physical, it can be emotional too. Follow these posts to learn the early and progressing signs of an abuser to be cautious for yourself, and those you love.
Love bombing is often a starting tactic for an abuser in the cycle of abuse. Love bombing is an attempt to influence/lure in a person by demonstrations of attention and affection.
It may be difficult to distinguish the signs of a Love Bomber, however it is important to stay cautious at excessive acts of love such as over-complimenting, constant attention, obsessive flattery, pressuring a relationship and very early, intense expressions of love.
Abuse is not always physical, it can be emotional too. Follow these posts to learn the early and progressing signs of an abuser to be cautious for yourself, and those you love.
The signs of a controlling partner may be confusing and difficult to distinguish at first. They may be mistaken for love, care, or passion.
Subtle acts of enforcing control often include having strong oppinions about what you wear out. They might complain constantly about your clothing being too revealing. They guilt trip you into thinking that wearing it means you are asking for attention from others, when they should be the only one as your partner, to see. They may make you subconsciously avoid wearing certain styles, to prevent a confrontation from them. If you begin to feel this way, something is wrong.
At the start of a relationship, its fun and romantic to spend excessive time together, and forget about everything, and everyone else. The exclusive and constant attention feels nice. However if it gets to the point that a partner is trying to prevent you from seeing anyone else due to jealousy, there is a problem. Isolation from friends and family is a key controlling behaviour. This is a tactic abusers use to keep tabs on their partner as a method of control. You may start avoiding seeing your friends to keep your partner happy,
But what about your happiness?
Subtle acts of enforcing control often include having strong oppinions about what you wear out. They might complain constantly about your clothing being too revealing. They guilt trip you into thinking that wearing it means you are asking for attention from others, when they should be the only one as your partner, to see. They may make you subconsciously avoid wearing certain styles, to prevent a confrontation from them. If you begin to feel this way, something is wrong.
At the start of a relationship, its fun and romantic to spend excessive time together, and forget about everything, and everyone else. The exclusive and constant attention feels nice. However if it gets to the point that a partner is trying to prevent you from seeing anyone else due to jealousy, there is a problem. Isolation from friends and family is a key controlling behaviour. This is a tactic abusers use to keep tabs on their partner as a method of control. You may start avoiding seeing your friends to keep your partner happy,
But what about your happiness?
Words have the potential to destroy someone's self esteem if used correctly.
Degrading and belittling may be at first disguised as 'feedback' or 'constructive criticism' but will quickly reveal themselves as much more harmful.
Belittling is essentially being made to feel insignificant. People who belittle us can be condescending and undermine us (sometimes in public) to make us feel inferior.
Belittling is a unhealthy and abusive behavior, and can start as seemingly trivial small digs and little put downs every so often. Over time, it becomes habitual and can be very upsetting to experience, especially in a relationship from a partner we love and trust.
We may excuse a verbally abusive partner for their spurts of anger - and tell ourselves that they normally wouldn't say these things and don't really mean it, but the harm caused by their words remain nevertheless.
Apologies without change or improvement are manipulation. Regardless of how extravagant or romantic they may seem. Ingenuine apologies might be worded like this:
'I'm sorry if...'
'I'm sorry but...'
'I'm sorry you feel/think that way...'
'Mistakes were made...'
These backhanded apology styles show no responsibility has been taken, and no awareness for the pain caused is registered.
Degrading and belittling may be at first disguised as 'feedback' or 'constructive criticism' but will quickly reveal themselves as much more harmful.
Belittling is essentially being made to feel insignificant. People who belittle us can be condescending and undermine us (sometimes in public) to make us feel inferior.
Belittling is a unhealthy and abusive behavior, and can start as seemingly trivial small digs and little put downs every so often. Over time, it becomes habitual and can be very upsetting to experience, especially in a relationship from a partner we love and trust.
We may excuse a verbally abusive partner for their spurts of anger - and tell ourselves that they normally wouldn't say these things and don't really mean it, but the harm caused by their words remain nevertheless.
Apologies without change or improvement are manipulation. Regardless of how extravagant or romantic they may seem. Ingenuine apologies might be worded like this:
'I'm sorry if...'
'I'm sorry but...'
'I'm sorry you feel/think that way...'
'Mistakes were made...'
These backhanded apology styles show no responsibility has been taken, and no awareness for the pain caused is registered.
The flattery and validation that was once so frequency and constant, becomes selective and rare, and may only be around in times you feel you should leave, to confuse you into thinking staying is worth it. Selective affection is another abusive tactic in which is used to give the victim minimal affection, only enough to make them hang on to the relationship, and often at times in which the abuser needs something or wants to enforce control.
It is easy to be blinded to past degrading or belittling once that craved affection is shown again, even if just in spurts. However the metal effects on self image, confidence and esteem will show themselves vividly, as you realise you can’t remember what you were like before this relationship.
It is confusing to distinguish whether the good is worth the bad, or the other way round, however it is never a good sign to have to question this regularly.
It is easy to be blinded to past degrading or belittling once that craved affection is shown again, even if just in spurts. However the metal effects on self image, confidence and esteem will show themselves vividly, as you realise you can’t remember what you were like before this relationship.
It is confusing to distinguish whether the good is worth the bad, or the other way round, however it is never a good sign to have to question this regularly.
Pick a Petal is a campaign focused on creating support systems to help victims of domestic abuse and coercive control realise that they are not alone. It never harms to reach out for help. We are here for you, when you feel like you have no options.
Pick a petal: Share your story, help a friend or a stranger, form a community, make life long friendships, educate yourself and get the help and guidance you need.
