Bending over for not saying "no".
sometimes we find ourselves in a situation where we feel unable to say "no". and when we do what we don’t want to – it usually leads to feelings of resentment, anxiety, anger, shame, guilt, and/or dissatisfaction. we may feel like we’re letting someone down or being selfish.
why we do so?
this can happen for a variety of reasons, such as feeling pressure from others, fearing rejection or conflict. maybe we live in a role of a “convenient” person and feel we have to comply with requests or expectations even if we don't want to.
oftentimes, people who aren’t able to say no have a low self-esteem. – i know, bummer.
say "no" if it’s "no", don’t fool people.
saying "no" is not a negative thing. it’s about setting your boundaries and taking care of yourself.
another key point is when we jump over our heads and agree to everything offered and asked – we create an image of ourselves being omnipotent and omnipresent. but we are real – we have our own needs, desires, flaws, weaknesses, and we don’t have to be always full of energy, cmon!
what if people push?
if you feel someone is violating your boundaries, you have to tell them that.
there are 3 methods how to do that (check my highlights for the elaborative instructions):
• express your anger (irritation, indignation, resentment – milder degrees of anger; but also rage, hatred, aggression) in a non-violent form
• assertive refusal
• assertive threat
how and when we apply these methods?
• you are totally honest with yourself and with this person
• you understand your boundaries and your needs
• if you understand them – you shouldn’t be scared, embarrassed, feel guilty for having such needs and thee needs not being as this person want them to be
• you speak clearly and boldly about this
• you are direct about your thoughts and feelings
• you don’t go overboard with “sorry” – you don’t have to say sorry for being yourself
2022|2023
